Apr 24, 2014

Throw Back Thursday

#ifiknewthenwhatiknownow #wheniwasayoungwarthog #progresspeople #missingohara

I misplaced my stethoscope today. It reminded me of that time Dr. O’Hara “borrowed” mine and I didn’t know how to ask for it back. I think it was like my third day on the job and I was such a scaredy-cat. Doctors can be intimidating, especially O’Hara. She’s just so smart and imposing. Also, I am not a fan of confrontation and avoid it whenever possible. I did learn a valuable lesson that day; doctors are just people like you and me. If you assert yourself (or sneak your items back while they’re napping) they respect you. This just in: Jackie found my stethoscope at the Newsstand. How these things happen, I’ll never know.


Apr 21, 2014


I mean it when I say surprises are the best. The happy kind. Not the kind where you tell your wife you have another family. That’s rough.

Here are some of the most exciting surprises I’ve ever had.

Being invited to Kevin Steiger’s 10th birthday party
Inheriting my grandma’s canary, Susan
Winning the senior class superlative “Best Sneeze”
Finding/Buying a chiquita banana hat at a thrift store
Cracking an egg and finding TWO yolks
Winning the lottery for Mamma Mia!
Making a friend on craigslist (No, for real!)
Getting caught in the middle of a flash mob


Apr 14, 2014

New Couple (got busted) Alert!

As the deli guy at my bodega says, “Never say never, baby!” He’s right, although I doubt I’m ever gonna try the Hector Surprise on Rye. However, I did say this post would never be about me. My bad, you guys. It sort of happened out of nowhere and I mean nowhere. Since everyone at work knows (still unclear HOW) I figured it only fair to share…

STRENGTH: very yin and yang
WEAKNESS: interests may vary
POWER COUPLE NAME: Zike (pronounced like Nike)


Apr 11, 2014

Feelin’ Good

Guess who’s back. Back again. Zoey’s back. Tell a friend! FYI, I intended my welcome back post to be an original rap song. Would you believe there are like no fun words that rhyme with nurse? Sea purse was kinda cool but I didn’t know how to weave that in. Anyway, aloha! I’m so happy to be at it again, meditating on life and work.

This year is rocking and has confirmed for me that growing up does not suck. It feels like I’m turning into the best version of myself. I own a bonsai tree. I’ve taken up rollerblading. I pay my bills on time and Jackie and I are like Batgirl and Robin at work. I’m not sure she’d use those words exactly but we are definitely holding it down. She is managing her sobriety so well and I am beyond proud. A vision in blue, that one!

Since Dr. Roman’s been on probation, things are running very smoothly at the hospital. Work is fun and I’m pumped for what’s on the horizon. I feel like this could really be my year. Until then, I’ll be here aging like a fine wine. Cheers!


Jun 19, 2013

There Went the Boom

Things at All Saints are really good again. I feel like we’ve all settled back into our rightful places and the new doctors have fitted themselves around us, rather than try to change us. Take note, future employees. I just gave you a very valuable puzzle piece. This is so something I’d put in my pink notebook and I’m missing it something fierce right now, but you know what? This blog has kind of become my pink notebook. Minus the dazzle camouflage of course. And I’m okay with it. Progress people, it’s happening.

Someone who has really schooled us in the art of change is Jackie. Her composure during these past few months has been off the charts amazeballs. When she blew out her candle, it occurred to me that we are all finally getting to know the real her. I’m prouder than a Bubbie at a Bat Mitzvah.

As for me, I’m walking a little taller these days. I didn’t inspire any revolutions, but I tried new things and some evolving went down. I have no idea what’s next, but I feel like I can definitely take it. Bring it on! 


Jun 18, 2013

Too Much Candy Is Bad for Your Health

And just like that, I was back in tenth grade Driver’s Ed with Candy Zambranski yelling at me from the backseat for hitting my blinker too early or grazing that biker with my side view mirror. It didn’t matter that this all happened years ago, the minute I got into the driver’s seat it came rushing back with a vengeance. Déjà awful. It made concentrating hella hard, which is kind of a problem because I had a vehicle to operate and a fourteen-year-old in my passenger seat having a serious meltdown. But I made it through. Who knows, maybe Candy prepared me for this moment. Maybe she was actually trying to help… Nah, I did it all on my own. She was just a big bitch.


Jun 17, 2013

Luck Be a Loaf of Bread?

Saying “no comment” about that horseshoe bread was the most restraint I’ve shown, maybe ever. I actually had like a zillion questions. Like, do they actually sell a pan that shape? Can bread even be lucky? Does that mean horseshoe crabs are born lucky? What is luck really? Now, that last one is more for you to ponder, but the rest need some serious answers. This is only the beginning as far as my questions go, but my mind is going way too fast and my fingers are doing gymnastics over here. So let’s just end by saying, next time I see that cop, we’re gonna need to have a serious talk.


Jun 14, 2013

So You Had a Bad Day

Today, the universe tried to rain on my parade. And you know what, that’s gonna happen sometimes. When it does, you’ve got to be prepared. Here’s some quick easy ways to turn that frown upside down.

Throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care

Listen to Enya

Imagine your life as a Disney movie

Five rounds of yawn-sighs

Shotgun a cream soda

And if all else fails, going home with a hot doc ain’t so bad either… Oopsie.


Jun 12, 2013

Mixing Business with Pleasure

After months of untouched sign-up sheets and lame-o excuses, I successfully wrangled the group for a bowling extravaganza. I will never make that mistake again. The minute we got there and Dr. Roman realized that bowling wasn’t actually a codename for something else, she peaced. But that part was okay because then we had even teams for boys vs. girls. I thought ten frames would be the perfect way for Dr. Cooper and Dr. Prentiss to work out their issues but boy was I wrong. Thor was pissy because the only bowling balls that fit his fingers were “too heavy.” And Jackie was Jackie. The only real delight was Mrs. Akalitus. That woman is an absolute hoot outside of work, and surprisingly, one heck of a bowler. Can’t blame a girl for trying, but oof. That’s gonna leave a mark.


Jun 10, 2013

It Works If You Work It

I don’t know why eye patches get such a bad rap, they’re badass. I had to wear one in high school after an unfortunate sprinkler incident, don’t ask, and it got me some serious spotlight action. I think it was because I really committed to the look, which is kind of how I live my life. You think it’s easy to look this good in bunny scrubs? I don’t think so. If it were, everyone would do it. To paraphrase Eminem; lose yourself in the moment, own it and never let it go. I’m gonna say this also applies to eye patches.

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