There Went the Boom
Things at All Saints are really good again. I feel like we’ve all settled back into our rightful places and the new doctors have fitted themselves around us, rather than try to change us. Take note, future employees. I just gave you a very valuable puzzle piece. This is so something I’d put in my pink notebook and I’m missing it something fierce right now, but you know what? This blog has kind of become my pink notebook. Minus the dazzle camouflage of course. And I’m okay with it. Progress people, it’s happening.
Someone who has really schooled us in the art of change is Jackie. Her composure during these past few months has been off the charts amazeballs. When she blew out her candle, it occurred to me that we are all finally getting to know the real her. I’m prouder than a Bubbie at a Bat Mitzvah.
As for me, I’m walking a little taller these days. I didn’t inspire any revolutions, but I tried new things and some evolving went down. I have no idea what’s next, but I feel like I can definitely take it. Bring it on!
Too Much Candy Is Bad for Your Health
And just like that, I was back in tenth grade Driver’s Ed with Candy Zambranski yelling at me from the backseat for hitting my blinker too early or grazing that biker with my side view mirror. It didn’t matter that this all happened years ago, the minute I got into the driver’s seat it came rushing back with a vengeance. Déjà awful. It made concentrating hella hard, which is kind of a problem because I had a vehicle to operate and a fourteen-year-old in my passenger seat having a serious meltdown. But I made it through. Who knows, maybe Candy prepared me for this moment. Maybe she was actually trying to help… Nah, I did it all on my own. She was just a big bitch.
Luck Be a Loaf of Bread?
Saying “no comment” about that horseshoe bread was the most restraint I’ve shown, maybe ever. I actually had like a zillion questions. Like, do they actually sell a pan that shape? Can bread even be lucky? Does that mean horseshoe crabs are born lucky? What is luck really? Now, that last one is more for you to ponder, but the rest need some serious answers. This is only the beginning as far as my questions go, but my mind is going way too fast and my fingers are doing gymnastics over here. So let’s just end by saying, next time I see that cop, we’re gonna need to have a serious talk.
So You Had a Bad Day
Today, the universe tried to rain on my parade. And you know what, that’s gonna happen sometimes. When it does, you’ve got to be prepared. Here’s some quick easy ways to turn that frown upside down.
Throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care
Listen to Enya
Imagine your life as a Disney movie
Five rounds of yawn-sighs
Shotgun a cream soda
And if all else fails, going home with a hot doc ain’t so bad either… Oopsie.
Mixing Business with Pleasure
After months of untouched sign-up sheets and lame-o excuses, I successfully wrangled the group for a bowling extravaganza. I will never make that mistake again. The minute we got there and Dr. Roman realized that bowling wasn’t actually a codename for something else, she peaced. But that part was okay because then we had even teams for boys vs. girls. I thought ten frames would be the perfect way for Dr. Cooper and Dr. Prentiss to work out their issues but boy was I wrong. Thor was pissy because the only bowling balls that fit his fingers were “too heavy.” And Jackie was Jackie. The only real delight was Mrs. Akalitus. That woman is an absolute hoot outside of work, and surprisingly, one heck of a bowler. Can’t blame a girl for trying, but oof. That’s gonna leave a mark.
It Works If You Work It
I don’t know why eye patches get such a bad rap, they’re badass. I had to wear one in high school after an unfortunate sprinkler incident, don’t ask, and it got me some serious spotlight action. I think it was because I really committed to the look, which is kind of how I live my life. You think it’s easy to look this good in bunny scrubs? I don’t think so. If it were, everyone would do it. To paraphrase Eminem; lose yourself in the moment, own it and never let it go. I’m gonna say this also applies to eye patches.
This is too good not to share:
SuperBoy zoomed GENTLY through the night sky. He heard nothing but the sound of his neighbor’s FALCON barking loudly in the distance. Then, DEUX bad guys appeared, hot on his trail. The young superhero took out his laser and blasted both of the bad guys in their SMALL OF THE BACK. They fell to the ground with a giant SPLAT. The end.
Eating Through a Straw
Yesterday, Dr. Roman asked if I’d like to join her on a cleanse. Well, she didn’t exactly ask so much as volunteer me for it. I’ve never done one before, so I’m gonna be totally honest here and say I was nervous. But I learned that basically anything you can drink through a straw is A.O.K. So here I am, successfully finished with my first day and I’m not even hungry. Can you believe it? The only minor hiccup in the day was not being able to get the dang SpaghettiOs meatball through the straw. Bring it on, day two.
This is going to be short, guys, ‘cause I am pooped. Today, I cleaned and organized Prentiss’s disaster zone of an office. It was bad. Like tuna sandwich in Callie Rivera’s patient record bad. I worked my buns off and now everything hurts. My paper cuts have paper cuts and I’m sore in places I didn’t even know existed. My fingers have stopped coopera—-
Lending a Hand
Sometimes people just need a gentle nudge in the right direction. Or if you’re Dr. Prentiss, several gentle nudges. I’ve made it my secret mission to help him work on his doctor-patient, doctor-nurse, doctor-all-remaining-hospital-personnel relationships. I got one step closer today after posting a picture on his office door. If the picture could talk it would say, “Oh Doc, I love you man. Bro hugs all around.” I watched him stare at the photo and I knew he wanted to rip it down. But guess what? He didn’t. It made him feel something, as good art does, and I know it’s only a matter of time before I’ve got that man high-fiving and bear-hugging every soul in sight. It’s a reach, but YES. WE. CAN.
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